Dark Night of the Soul

[Rachel]

hello! i'm new here and this is my first post.

first of all i wanted to say that i'm just so grateful for this site and all i've learned here, i wanted to say thank you to david for sharing with all of us. i've cried so many happy tears thanks to this site, i can't even say. thank you so much, david! :)

but i also wanted to ask for some advice if anyone has any. i've been living through one of these "dark nights of the soul" (something i learned about through this site!) for a few years now. while i'm thrilled beyond belief to know that what i'm going through has an actual name (beyond mere "depression", which everyone seems to just want to throw drugs at :rolleyes: ) and can actually be beneficial to the spirit in the long run, it's been a struggle to say the least. i'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me. i mean how do you do it? how do you cope? how do you get to the end of it? i have dreams for my future not just for my sake but for the good i feel i can do for those around me that i love dearly. i'd really like to see them happen if it's meant to be. i've just felt very stuck for a long time and could use some advice or guidance or just anything from someone who won't look at me like i'm nuts.lol

thanks for any responses! i appreciate them.

rachel :)

[AmelieJolie]

hi rachel. a very warm welcome :)

i'm going through something similar....have been ever since my early teens. i'm 27 now and going through a difficult times with a relationship breakdown, as the more i find myself and am true to myself, the more i realize that we are far too incompatible to be together. this is tough to say the least, for i don't get along with my family (who don't live nearby anyway) and have kept myself to myself for so long, living somewhat as a "vagrant solitaire", confused about life and passionate, though unsure of where to look for answers, and unable to decide which category to squeeze myself into as far as a career goes and become another cog in the system. but i'm a mother now- so this is where my main focus has to be.

yesterday was quite a revealing day for me. i realized a extremely profound things.

i realized, firstly, that it was my doing that i have not quite established myself in the area i moved to last november. i have been perhaps overly concerned about what people's opinions might be if they came to my house and saw the lack of things they have, etc. i have been caught up in my own depression and melancholy. and i have been obsessed with searching for answers and anyone who may be on a similar wavelength. this is where my focus has gone. but what's really important is getting the balance right.

the other thing i realized, after watching something online.....were some of the things i had been confused over, forming a kind of ennui.....i had been confused over mere words, but last night i came to understand their true meaning.


and, in a nutshell......

we have no limitations except the ones we place on ourselves.
we are infinite consciousness. when we tune in to, remembering who we truly are, we no longer need to "ask". we are able to "know".

all it takes is the brave and determined step to simply break free.

as j.d.m sang in a doors song "you are trapped in a prison of your own device".

"as we think, so we are". and as we feel, so we are.

we simply need to become fully conscious of ourselves.


this life was never meant to be easy. the more we grow, the more challenges we must face. but the more we face them, the easier it gets. and we'll be infinitely rewarded.

now.....

time for me to follow my "own" advice!
face up to my own challenges!

oh, and one more thing i realized yesterday was a lot of the problems i have are not my own, but the legacy of my childhood. time to break free! i am not a robot, and i won't let these experiences have power over me via their programming any more. it's time to change the programming!

[Nina]

welcome aboard rachel,
was thinking of your post and re-read intro to ra book 1 and how the "prayer of st. francis" was used.
"lord, make me an instrument of thy peace". carries good vibes -nina

[DGCrow]

hi rachel.

first, let me say that i am not an expert on anything. and in the event you are under medical care of any sort, please do not let anything i say influence you to ignore your caregivers' advice.

i am presently in my late 30's. as a teen i cultivated the habits of smoking and drinking, which i continued for several years. back at age 21 i studied a spiritual discipline, which i'll call a form of esoteric christianity. i also started using marijuana excessively. talk about extremes! without regular prayer and meditation i believe i may have ended up seriously damaged from my lifestyle. if i had gotten into "heavier" drugs i'm sure i would've ended up dead. looking back i'm shocked to see i was only arrested one time. the point is that in my particular case the meditation practice provided balance. without it, i think i may have really gone off the deep end. (pardon the cliche :o )

i eventually let the addictions run my life. these were my dark years of the soul. prayer/meditation dropped off to almost nothing. i became alienated from my family. the only "friends" i had were people i used with. i became a real psychological mess, and, er, i guess i was pretty damaged by this point. i don't want to give a synopsis of my entire life here, but i do want to gently suggest to you the following: "meditation is the medicine of the mind." after i read your post, that was the basic thought that came to me. i went downstairs to prepare some green tea, and on the tea bag was that statement about meditation. i'm sure there are wiser souls than i that will also reply to your post. undoubtedly they will offer more tangible advice on this if needed. perhaps you do meditate regularly. in any case, i mean no disrespect and don't want to be "preachy".

at present, these aforementioned addictions are things of the past. much suffering and turmoil preceded my "getting clean." i don't want to go through it again, but i'm glad i went through it once to get to where i am now! in addition to prayer work and meditating, i have begun walking a few miles at time. this simple act is quite energizing. i also suggest regular exercise of some sort. i've never been a very western-minded person, so i was attracted to yoga some years ago.

you asked "how do you get to the end of it?" well, i don't know that there is an "end" to get to! :) it seems like an ever-evolving process. things arise as we need to deal with them, and like it or not, keep poking their metaphorical heads up until we look them in the metaphorical eye ;)

i hope something here has helped you, rachel. what i've written here is as much for you as it is for me, or anybody really. i believe this forum is a very supportive environment, so keep on keepin' on :d

in the light,
doug

[Penny L]

welcome, rachel!

here are the tools i've used to walk through my dark nights:

1. trust yourself and consider that when all is said and done, there is a gift full of loving purpose in all that you move through.

2. breathe consciously. right now i naturally breathe deeply using my diaphragm (laying my hand on my stomach area in order to ensure i was drawing it in deeply) instead of filling my lungs first--keeps the heart rate down and gets me centered in the present moment. i started out inhaling through my nose to the count of 4, holding it for 8, and exhaling through my mouth for 8. i'd take a moment anywhere, anytime to do approximately 3 breaths--especially when feeling anxious or hurried. being aware of breathing is important in walking through depression.

3. choose clarity. literally tell my human mind to let go of trying to figure out or analyze the problem. this reminds me that my true solution lies within me and that i'm making the space to allow it to come in. let go of expectations of what the solution is supposed to be like--i can almost guarantee it isn't in the form our past experiences or minds can expect.

4. self-compassion. i didn't realize how hard i was on myself until i began to look into my own eyes and have an actual conversation with the person in the mirror. i began to nuture, hug her, be her best friend--i gave to her finally that which i had easily given to everyone else. she's a human who was always trying her best to be the best she knew how to be.

5. i let her cry things and say things and think things (without monitoring it as to whether it was right or wrong) in a safe space without judgment because i set the intention that i was just releasing energy and simply moving it through me and changing it in the process.

6. remember we're all here out of love--no matter what is going on on the surface of things, love is always here/there. look for it and you'll see it. use your sense of humor and don't take life so seriously--laughing helps move energy through.

7. change your routine/set patterns: simply drive or walk a different route to work or school. pick one small thing a day and do it differently--and have fun with it. step out of playing the role of "rachel." this is a tremendous tool. it got me making conscious choices instead of automatically re-creating the same situations and days over and over again.

bless you for your inquiry--writing these things down in order to share with another reminds me of the tools i use almost automatically now myself. but it took me years to get here and to consciously see how i did it. thanks for allowing me the opportunity to share them.

with love and appreciation,
penny

[Rachel]

thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for replying!! i so appreciate it. :)

i'm generally a happy, positive person it's just hard to hold onto that sometimes. i actually don't think i'm depressed that's why i put it in quotes in my first post and after reading up on this whole dark night thing, there's no question in my mind that's really what's going on with me. i went to see a therapist a few years back - she's the one that kept insisting i should take something even after i refused - and in talking to her i realized that my frustrations, sadness, anxiety, etc. were all pretty natural reactions to the stresses i've been going through. it's like after slowly trudging your way through one obstacle another one appears, then another, then another. where's the relief?! it'd be nice to have a moment to regroup!lol it's especially frustrating since all i've been trying to do is make my own contribution to creating peace and harmony in the world. i just couldn't understand why it seemed like the universe wouldn't let me do that and it's been driving me nuts for years! the problem was, and still is, i don't know how to make things better. i keep waiting for things to get better.

you guys give some great advice, though. it's possible i've been concentrating too much on trying to understand or get control of the things going on around me, maybe i need to focus more on myself. it's a leap on some level to believe that changing yourself may stop bad things from happening to you. dgcrow, i've been wanting to start meditating for years but never felt i was in the right state of mind. after the things i've learned the past couple weeks, i think i'm getting there. and penny, thanks for the tips, i'll definitely try some of them. i love walking and have been doing it more and more lately. thank you, too, nina for your suggestion. and amelie, wow, some of what you wrote felt like you picked it straight out of my head. "...have kept myself to myself for so long, living somewhat as a "vagrant solitaire", confused about life and passionate, though unsure of where to look for answers..." - stop reading my mind!:p i also can't imagine being another "cog in the system" as far as working goes, which is why i'm still trudging my way through the obstacles. as hard as it's been i can't imagine doing anything else.

anyways, thanks again for responding, it's really made my day! :d yesterday was a tough one for me i'm just glad i found this place with people who understand what i'm going through. :)

[Penny L]

i, too, know well the pressure i place on myself to do something worthy and creative in this beloved world. but when i sit with myself for a bit, i began to remember where i was several years ago, or maybe just a day ago--and i realize how much i've already accomplished in my journey of integrating all of my aspects into this lifetime. and i trust that maybe it looks nothing like i could have expected or imagined in my human mind back then--it's usually so much better.

everyone, we're already doing it. look at the questions we're asking--we're opening ourselves up to new ways, perspectives and perceptions. be kind and supportive of yourself and remember to acknowledge and appreciate all that you have been and are.

look at your amazing intentions--and trust that you are already moving towards them--because you are. all those seemingly insignificant little things add up!

rest and breathe and see clearly how far you have come...

[Kris]

there are a lot of wonderful, enlightened people on this forum who really are a great help to those in need. as you have seen, all you need do is ask. you are not alone. i have received much help over the last few months from this forum.

there has been a lot of good advice given to ameile jolie recently and after reading your first post i thought that some of the advice given to her would be helpful to you as well. if you click on "find all posts by amelie jolie", i'm sure you would find a lot of useful information in the answers given to her.

there is also a lot of david's materials to read on this site that you may also find very beneficial. i started out by reading david's blogs and that's what helped me to really awaken. it's still a learing process. i see no end in sight to the learning and growing, but that is a good thing. sometimes the tougher our struggles seem to be, the more we learn and grow. we just need to realize what it is we have learned from our struggles and move on to the next one.

to amelie jolie - your post to rachel indicates that you are making great strides in the relaization that we are the creators of our own reality. i thought the advice that chris hamilton gave to you was very good. i went back to school as a single mother with two kids and not very much money. it wasn't easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. getting out there (i.e. going to school) would give you an oportunity to meet people as well. you certainly appear to be a very intelligent woman. best of luck to you.

with much love and caring

kris

[jpstephens2012]

hello rachel. welcome!


i mean how do you do it? how do you cope? how do you get to the end of it?

lol! sometimes i don't! we all go through these periods and i have found it to be a great comfort to come here and discuss it. as far as getting to the end of it, i don't think we ever do until we finally ascend. right now we are going through an intense period of clearing. most of our lives are filled daily with new challenges, some of them very hard. these catalysts are brought to us at this time because time is growing short and we are being prepared for a wonderful event in the near future.

time is speeding up, not by the tick of the mechanical clock, but by the opportunities that are provided us to grow spiritually. all the virtues are being tested repeatedly until we get it right. things like patience, trust, forgiveness, generosity, honesty, and unconditional love are presented to us daily in a myriad of opportunities and forms. i think the more we grow the faster these tests are presented. these test of which i speak are not being thrown at us by some unseen outside force. we each arranged our own schedule even before we came here. our actions since have determined the degree to which we are tested.

we live in a spiritual university. we're working on our degree. i got my phd. in stupidity at about 17. i've been trying to get an education ever since.:rolleyes: needless to say, the courses have been long and hard. i've made a lot of mistakes, i've made a lot of progress. i often sound like i'm trying to teach and i am. i'm trying to teach myself and i hope by sharing that, others may get some benefit from it as well.

i wanted to respond to your post the day you made it but decided to wait and see what other responses you received. i see you have a lot of good information and suggestions. we have a wonderful community here of like minded spirits. david wilcock's marvelous work has contributed much to all of us and i urge you to voraciously consume all you can.;)

namaste

[Rachel]

hey, thanks for the continued responses! i'm sure i'm not the only one enjoying reading everyone's insights on this topic. :)

i guess there's some truth to the idea that we don't get to "the end of it" and we need to appreciate the lessons we learn along the way. i know there are things about me as a person that are better and wiser than they were before. i guess my real question is...will it always be this difficult? will there ever be a reprieve, even temporarily? is there ever going to be an opportunity to really use the things learned in a way to help others? i mean, i've been focusing for so long on just surviving that i haven't gotten the opportunity to really do what i want to do with my life - be of service to others. i mean, i won't pretend to be a saint. i have plenty of selfish desires, things i want to make my life more comfortable and fun. but i also know i have alot to offer in terms of helping people and i just don't feel like i've gotten the opportunity to do that. i don't want to have to keep worrying where my next paycheck or my next meal is coming from or the fact that i can't afford health insurance so i'm afraid of getting sick or injured. i don't want to have to jump through one hoop after another after another after another just to get my foot in the door. i mean, how do you explain to someone that you're being called spiritually to do this kind of work when it seems like the universe isn't even listening to you anymore? it's exhausting and it's gone on for so long it feels like it's all i know how to do anymore. sometimes it feels like sticking to this path will one day just kill me.

i mean i did choose this road and i do believe alot of those material things would "fall into place" so to speak if i just gave up my efforts but it'd feel like abandoning the whole reason i'm here on this earth and it wouldn't make sense neither to my heart nor to my soul. even with what feels like so little reassurance from the universe, it would still feel like walking away from why i'm here. so yeah, i'm just wondering how it is one copes with all the adversity a 'night' brings without feeling like that's all it is you're here to do, live through a night. because i refuse to believe that's all i'm here to do is survive a 'dark night'. that seems too selfish to me. when you have so much to give, will the universe ever let you concentrate on doing just that instead of concentrating just on surviving? or do you really have to just figure out a way to do both?

penny, i've definitely grown as a person and i know there's an infinite amount for me still to learn. but like i said, i'm just frustrated that i've had all this spiritual growth but it feels like i haven't had the opportunity to really use it in a productive, giving way. ita, kris, there are many posts here i'm enjoying reading and i'll look at the replies to amelie jolie. i'm so grateful for this site and this board, it's been wonderful so far. :) thanks, jpstephens for your comments, you've given me alot to think about in terms of the tests we're given daily. i know specifically of several i fail on a regular basis just because i choose to, even though i know it's destructive to myself and to others around me. maybe that's part of what's holding me back. :o


anyway, thanks again everyone for keeping the conversation going. i'm still learning alot and i hope others are, too. :)

[SuperManny]

i guess my real question is...will it always be this difficult? will there ever be a reprieve, even temporarily? is there ever going to be an opportunity to really use the things learned in a way to help others? definitely not! or wait... yes, absolutely! well, maybe not.
you see we can't actually answer this, but you can. what are you going to choose? will you live a life filled with beauty and grace and joy, or will you notice every single little thing that is not as what you would call perfect?

i don't want to have to keep worrying where my next paycheck or my next meal is coming from or the fact that i can't afford health insurance so i'm afraid of getting sick or injured. i don't want to have to jump through one hoop after another after another after another just to get my foot in the door.ok, if you really don't want to, then don't. but i think you would have much better luck focusing on what you do want than thinking about what you don't want.

my dear, we can all see that you are having some difficulty. but take a deep breath and be here/now, and you will see that you have a lot of friends here who care about you. and notice, just for a moment, that you don't even have any problems now. they are all in the past, or perhaps in the perceived future, but right now everything is fine.:)

emotions are a bit like the weather, the sunny days are so very nice, but it's normal for it to rain every now and again. now it sounds to me like what you have been feeling is perhaps a little deeper than that. if that's true (and you will know) the very best long term solution is to have a very serious look at your belief systems, because they create a big part of your reality. if you have an unconscious belief that you don't deserve a good life, for example, that belief will wreak havoc with your life, repeatedly.

when you go thru changes in your life your beliefs don't automatically change. when you were young perhaps it was a good idea not to talk to strangers, but if you carry that belief into adulthood, it will be very hard for you to make friends, etc. i had a post here earlier on how to change a belief, and i'll include it here, because i thought i did such a damn fine job of writing it the first time, that i wanted to do it again.:)

to change a belief

this process is extremely powerful and can change virtually any belief.

it is very helpful to identify all the pros and cons of the belief, altho this is not critical because it can be time-consuming.

it is not helpful to try to convince your conscious mind of something it does not believe to be so.

seriously and honestly question the belief. is this how things really are, or is it just my version of reality? this is the equivalent to knocking the foundation out from underneath it. spend some time on this one and explore the possibilities.

ask yourself honestly if you have ever experienced anything contradictory to this belief, i.e. have you ever felt the way your new belief would make you feel. you will likely be able to find some if you explore your personal history seriously, but since it didn't coincide with your belief, your conscious mind merely dismissed it.

and finally whether you found some helpful experiences or not create some more. research has shown that the mind cannot distinguish between a 'real' event and one that is vividly imagined. here it's helpful to make it as real as possible, make it bigger, brighter, bring it closer, use all of your senses; hear it, touch it, feel it, and really bring your emotions into it. with just a little practice, you can look back on this imagined event a week later, and compare it to a 'real' event, and you may be surprised that the imagined event is more 'real' than the real one.

[SpiralCycle]

i have recently been through some very deep trenches and some very high plateaus spiritually speaking. the begging of my fall started mid 2007. in 2006 i had a very very powerful experience that encompassed me with high vibrations of every kind. this was not from outside stimuli it came from within and had found it was something always in me and of me in conjunction with the universe as a whole. i felt that after that nothing would ever change but after a year i somehow came down so to speak.

things crowded my once unpenetrated and clear mind once again and patterns started to come up that i couldn't understand in my life but am starting to put together now. the patterns were things that i will mention and seem broad or simple but are ways that i personally correspond and act to these conditions in a much deeper way than shallow misunderstandings.

such as having a hard time coping with psychology of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, the dynamics of the souls choice, not finding any solid or continuous entities of higher frequency that give direction on a continual
basis, family obligations and a direct bridge to oneness consciousness from the human egoic mind and learning to cope with testosterone.

those a a few things on the list. i have thought, read and contemplated many things over the last few years as if my mind was like a gemini's on steroids :eek:.

i didn't understand why i had so many good things to present for my reality at one point and then i had so many hard hits afterwords. part of it i believe is at the time extraordinary reality i didn't know what had happened and wasn't mature enough to understand it at the time. also i had now seen what is possible for mankind and its "individuals" so i could deal with personal patterns afterwords. it is like a took a shortcut on accident but needed to come back and work through the process consciously and willingly.

this battle is not fun at all. at one point i had a couple anxiety attacks which were tremendously dark along with being pursued by not so nice entity's in my dreams and are very much not a product of my imagination. i wanted to share this because i now know how hard it is to go through the pain of self destructive patterns regardless of intensity or if it is unconscious or conscious.

these patterns at first are horrible because you feel guilty, dark, depleted, sad and defensive. i fortunately don't have too many really hard areas to cope with as do my peers but it is hard to see them go through it and have a hard time waking up to them. but i find the more and more i realize them and do not avoid them the more i can understand how to help myself from being held back by my lower vibrational rough spots.

don't worry everyone has them i have not yet met a person in my life who doesn't. but this is the reason we come here is to learn what we can help ourselves with along with others. we can come to a state of pure bliss through working on these things on a continual basis. the best method overall i have found so far which i had unconsciously practiced in 2006 was presence. that means slowing down and stopping your mind to just be present and observe the things that life brings. from there you can realize everything else on a intimate scale and learn to say no to the things that are unhealthy.

i am still working on the process (ha good sign i am doing this it is 5:55 the first time i look at the clock) the first part of the work is realizing your patterns by watching yourself do them. your conscience will tell you what is good for you and what is not along with how the outside world reacts. so don't try and hide or stop these things that you do. just do them as you have before but watch yourself and mind while you do and you will see the seed of the problem and after you notice all of the seeds that make your reality hard on yourself you can transform them into enough seeds for a crop of everything that makes you happy, healthy and full of love.

thank you for anyone that reads this. one area that i do really well is talk to people about this stuff and help them through it and allow them to feel good. if you want someone to talk about it with which is another great key for success send me a private message if you have a chat service such as yahoo, aim or msn messenger. many people who i have talked with have been very enjoyable and healthy and i have helped quite a few people and think it is one of my best areas.

this was a great piece by david at the zürich conference.

"once you learn how to heal yourself you take in more energy, this is where you go through what is called the dark night of the soul.
once you have learned the lessons you have came in this life to learn the soul sends a message to the body saying you are finished and the body says what do i do now? at that point you go into the dark the night of the soul. because only after that can the shell around your heart can be cracked open. when you move through the dark night of the soul you come to a much higher version of yourself and your psychic abilities dramatically increase. yet many of us continuously avoid our emotional pain."

[Alexander]

"once you learn how to heal yourself you take in more energy, this is where you go through what is called the dark night of the soul.
once you have learned the lessons you have came in this life to learn the soul sends a message to the body saying you are finished and the body says what do i do now? at that point you go into the dark the night of the soul. because only after that can the shell around your heart can be cracked open. when you move through the dark night of the soul you come to a much higher version of yourself and your psychic abilities dramatically increase. yet many of us continuously avoid our emotional pain."

this is very fascinating...

pretty close to my personal experience. it's a good place to be in.

the next challenge is the frustration and patience required to wait until the time when you are are allowed to do what you're meant to do and be who you were meant to be, who you really are...

[Bill]

ahhh, had to respond to that last post...

do not wait around to figure out what you are here to do... that is what i did for the last few years, and i forgot what i was doing... by waiting for my majestic purpose to show up, i was indicating that there was no opportunity right now to do what i can to be of service, and that is what i continued to experience... and that, my friend, is the frustration...

do not wait to figure out what you were 'born to do'... take what you love, and simply offer that in every moment... then will the experiences you were thinking about show up... although, again, keep in mind, what shows up may not be what you thought they would be... enjoy, and be of service in every moment. perhaps after a few experiences, you will have the 'aha' moment, and realize what that missing calling was...

[MichaelFromGod]

after reading very carefully you post and rereading, i would suggest some deeper reflection and not offer anybody counsel, try some meditation, a lot of times i hear people struggling with their own minds but wanting to help other people, help thy self first. good luck

[Brenda_Elfgirl]

"once you learn how to heal yourself you take in more energy, this is where you go through what is called the dark night of the soul. once you have learned the lessons you have came in this life to learn the soul sends a message to the body saying you are finished and the body says what do i do now? at that point you go into the dark the night of the soul."

i've had a similar experience myself a few years ago, where i really felt like i was supposed to have died and didn't, and now i didn't know what do with myself. such a strange feeling because the feeling comes across as "what now? what am i supposed to do?" it was almost like an ego death because i really didn't know who i was anymore, and i was sure my body didn't know either.

but after a year, you sort of figure it out, i mean you have to figure it out to survive. and then your life really becomes all about choice because now it feels like you are karma free, although i don't think you can ever escape any of that really. but you have choice, which is so much more than most people have. and you know at a soul's level there are consequences to actions and thoughts, so the game becomes about always choosing the positive and trying not to dwell or negate the negative.

and then hopefully by this time you will have gotten a message before, during or aftwards about what your mission is, what you're supposed to do in this world. and then the challenges really begins, so your life can can start again on a different dimension and hopefully higher frequency.