Thoughts relating to recent dream

[Mikazo]

i had a dream recently in which i was in a zoo near my house, and
while i was at the zoo i had these fantasies that i was wearing a gas
mask and was dressed up like this warrior character, with a machine
gun and some other people with me who were helping me wage some kind
of battle.

when i woke up this brought to mind the passion i had for animal
rights when i was a teenager, and unfortunately at the time i abused
this passion by harassing several companies in various ways, mostly
over the internet and via email, whom i felt were mistreating animals.

a few of these companies got past the attempts to spoof my email and
suchlike things and wound up contacting my internet service provider
to complain, the owner of whom was a friend of my dad's. so a lot of
this has kind of haunted me for a while now, mainly this fear that i
would be discovered and punished for this in some way even though i
never was. it has been close to ten years ago when i did it, and my
attitudes toward all these issues (such as animal rights) have changed
dramatically during that time.

how to put this in the past? that's the question i have. this was
ten years ago, i was a lot more ignorant back then and a lot of these
companies have probably long since forgotten about it. do you
apologize to said companies? donate to them? just release it all to
your higher self? am i sweating the small stuff?

[meganarline]

mikazo,

i'm sure most of us on the forum can relate to this in many ways. there are many things i have done in the past that i would do differently today. however i feel we must be thankful for these experiences because without them we would not be who we are now.

i think basically the main thing is forgiveness. of yourself and everyone else involved. at the time you as well as the company you were harassing both felt that they were doing what was the right thing to do at the time. you can't judge either them or yourself.

i read in a book that a good thing to do is to go into a meditative state and basically visualize all the people you have had dealings with and tell them internally and from the heart that you forgive them for any harm they did or you did to them etc. then you look in the mirror and do the same for yourself, forgive yourself for all.

i personally did it for quite a few people in my life that i felt i may have hurt at some point and it really did feel like a release.

i don't think you are sweating the small stuff, if you are still thinking about it. i find with myself sometimes it is the small stuff that's hardest to let go of. you just need to accept it, be grateful for it and forgive it.

i hope this helps.

megan

[Rhonda]

hello mikazo,

truly forgive yourself. say it, mean it and allow it to go....

accept that you have learned from your own inner judgement of the events and learned the lessons that they gave.

forgiving yourself is not easy..... but living with it is not easy either....

love yourself unconditionally and forgiveness is part of

[FooSnik]

i have had some experiences similar to yours. i did some things that i felt like made me a bad person. and i felt guilty and i turned it over and over in my mind until i demonized myself. i finally started talking about it with my sister and she showed me that i am not a bad person. i just handled certain things the way i did with the cards that i was dealt. i was then finally able to take it as a learning experience and move on.

so maybe doing exactly what you are doing, talking about it, is the best thing to do. allow it to come to light and then it won't haunt you anymore.

maybe what you did was necessary for these companies to think about the effect they are having in this world? and your youthful ignorance provided you the ability to employ these tactics. my point is, there is a time and a place for reckless youthful passion as well. so don't beat yourself up.