jefferson111
05-21-2008, 12:51 PM
hi all,
let me introduce myself.
i am jefferson. at least that is the avatar i'm using here. i always try to remain as anonymous as possible on the net.
i got into computers and the internet back in 95. i'd avoided them all the way to hs graduation in 88 even though i always heard the mantra "they will run our lives one day". i just couldn't stand them and was afraid then.
well, life sure is funny. i took to the pc and netwroking and the internet like o to the h2.
i work in it nowadays- ever since i quit my regular job back in 98.
anyway, shortly after getting in the it field where i find the time to be on the net for many many hours a day i landed at the enterprise mission.
that was my first serious delving into "wierd" science and reality- outside the box type stuff.
again, i took to that like nobodies business and in the next few years i was hyperlinked to many new and different ideas and thoughts.
then 2001 happened to me...or i to it...not sure but it involved a nasty surprise that precipitated a divorce. during this time, things were so overwhelming that it was obvious, even then in the moment, that i was going through another growth period (not physical- i'm sure everyone here knows what growth i mean).
so there i am suddenly upside down with a 8 month old and a 3 year old. very hard yet at the same time invigorating. (well to be truthful, maybe the invigorating feeling is enhanced by hindsite).
it was during this time- say 2001-3.5- that i had much alone time that i spent soul searching etc. etc. and my readings, both online and from amazon
expanded immesly from say crop circles, to hermeticism, to the wave, to wilcock, hoagland (still at that time), jm jenkins,goro aduchi,anomalies.net, etc. etc. ad nauseum until it seemed i had my fill.
it just occurred to me one day that i hadn't been to any of "my" sites as i referred to the "new agey" type sites i had been reading. and so for quite a while i didn't read any of them- mostly cause it seemed i was reading the same old stuff maybe with a slight twist or some new "person on the scene"'s take on someone elses material. this went on for about a year i'd say.
then in late 2004 mom is found to have the fastest cancer tumor one could have in her frontal lobe. lots of hurt, trama, emotional chaos in general follow. she finally passes (in front of me, btw- quite a story in itself, maybe another time if anyone cares to hear it) in 2006.
the last year or so found me getting drawn back into the new age stuff although the flavor is different. by that time the whole bs drama at the anomalies board had happened and hoagland took his board to subscription and that whole scene just went to crap so by 2006 i found that there wasn't a great forum or bbs (if you are old school) going (that i knew/know of) and so it was different stuff that i was reading. this is when i read all of davids stuff for the second time but again, this kind of taperd off as we got to spring 2007.
by then, it seemed goro's site was the only one i had loading daily and yet i had become really irritated with him and his bs way before that- i just felt i had to peek on it once in a while to at least stay in touch with the high wierdness part of life. i finally closed his page in my opera last fall.
this winter though i came back a third time to david's site and once again i started reading whatever appealed at the moment. in all honesty, and this is why we use fake names on the net i guess, i would go to his library and scan titles and click on 3 or 4 that appealed, then skim them real quick to get an even better glimpse and if it was what i was "into" or "feeling" that day, that moment, i printed it and then went downstairs to the "library" (potty break) for 30 minutes. as i seem to be quite regular, this also became regular. then in march we find out dad has pancreatic cancer and 9 months or so to live. wait....i jumped ahead by about a month.
around late january-beginning of february i was really "getting" davids articles a whole lot more- even though for much of it, this was the third reading. things were making more sense and connecting much more. some of that i figure is that since the last two readings, i've read so much more from so many more angles.
so during these 5-6 weeks (late january to 1week of march this year) i was feeling different. i could feel change (for lack of better wording) happening inside me. in many ways i felt like i was in another growth stage like what happened during my rough divorce or moms death/sickness yet things were relatively good and stable. (coincidentaly my sister who i seem to have a very strong/similar connection to/with was ending her marriage 1500 miles away).
there was a particular period of about 10 days in there where i literally was having some good epiphanies. one of which involved me and my ex.
at this time i started talking to my sister for hours at a time and she is like minded she was just good to bounce ideas off and to i guess basically hear my thoughts and tell me, no your not crazy etc.
so march 6th, we find out dad has 9 months. things once again turn down. my sister and i can talk "new agey" and get what and where we are coming from but my other sister and brother aren't so receptive. my close sister and i try to keep each other centered (very hard- especially the last 2 weeks for whatever reason) and help our other tow siblings and dad get through this.
my latest issue though is what got me to register and start this silly long post. and now that i think about it, what i'm about to describe/ask happened and since then, is when things have gotten decidedly harder. what i mean by that is lately i feel so far from center most days that it almost seems like a dream when i was centered and "growing" during february.
the issue is this: i had moved on the science of oneness and was reading it and for whatever reason i wanted to investigate one of david's sources that he was quoting in the book. this led me on a mini 3 or 4 day trip down skeptical lane and what i found, i found to be terribly disheartening.
i found that opposed to what david claims, cayce did indeed have much influence and knowledge about esoterica.
i found many issues with the maharashi effect/results.
there was an author (can't remember his name at the moment) david used several times who when i looked into him is very suspect.
the there's hoagland.
many more i suspect.
now, i know a pure skeptic (a lot of debunking there too) site is kinda like taking the pendulum the complete opposite direction and some salt should be applied but i was seriously shaken.
up to that time, and especially this year, i was really "feeling" what david is saying and then all of a sudden i'm seriously questioning him and the message.
discovering these things reminded me of the book stargate conspiracy, and so i dug that out of a box and started to re- read it. that reminded me of the wierd connections by so many in the new age field and hoagland is a big one.
is david knowingly or unknowingly participating with whomever it is that is coordinating whatever it is thery are doing?
who knows, but what i found more disturbing was the idea that davids whole message is bunk. why would this upset me so much? because i so desperately want it to be true? what does that say about me?
i'm not even considering that there's anything nefarious on david's part. the thing is this: frequently david forms proofs from "supporting" evidence but if that supporting evidence is fake, then so too is davids conclusion.
this disturbs me.
so, being disturbed, i come to the forum here and read and search for a few days.
my overall impression, even though i admit not a lot of time here, is that it's a fanboy forum. no disrespect intended.
i see a lot of believers and supporters and that really doesn't surprise me. it confuses me.
**note**this stuff refers to new age in general and davids material as well
you see, i find myself saying "is there really anything to this stuff or are we all a certain type of person that at this time and place and culture are looking for something (that in the past was provided in large part by religion)?"
iow, is this our new religion?
are we decieving ourselves?
argggg i have so much more rumbling in the head yet no time. i have to go. i'll post this and return to it tomorrow.
thanks for reading/listening and really, no offense intended to anyone.
i'm trying to clear my head yet now it's spinning more....till tomorrow.
jefferson
let me introduce myself.
i am jefferson. at least that is the avatar i'm using here. i always try to remain as anonymous as possible on the net.
i got into computers and the internet back in 95. i'd avoided them all the way to hs graduation in 88 even though i always heard the mantra "they will run our lives one day". i just couldn't stand them and was afraid then.
well, life sure is funny. i took to the pc and netwroking and the internet like o to the h2.
i work in it nowadays- ever since i quit my regular job back in 98.
anyway, shortly after getting in the it field where i find the time to be on the net for many many hours a day i landed at the enterprise mission.
that was my first serious delving into "wierd" science and reality- outside the box type stuff.
again, i took to that like nobodies business and in the next few years i was hyperlinked to many new and different ideas and thoughts.
then 2001 happened to me...or i to it...not sure but it involved a nasty surprise that precipitated a divorce. during this time, things were so overwhelming that it was obvious, even then in the moment, that i was going through another growth period (not physical- i'm sure everyone here knows what growth i mean).
so there i am suddenly upside down with a 8 month old and a 3 year old. very hard yet at the same time invigorating. (well to be truthful, maybe the invigorating feeling is enhanced by hindsite).
it was during this time- say 2001-3.5- that i had much alone time that i spent soul searching etc. etc. and my readings, both online and from amazon
expanded immesly from say crop circles, to hermeticism, to the wave, to wilcock, hoagland (still at that time), jm jenkins,goro aduchi,anomalies.net, etc. etc. ad nauseum until it seemed i had my fill.
it just occurred to me one day that i hadn't been to any of "my" sites as i referred to the "new agey" type sites i had been reading. and so for quite a while i didn't read any of them- mostly cause it seemed i was reading the same old stuff maybe with a slight twist or some new "person on the scene"'s take on someone elses material. this went on for about a year i'd say.
then in late 2004 mom is found to have the fastest cancer tumor one could have in her frontal lobe. lots of hurt, trama, emotional chaos in general follow. she finally passes (in front of me, btw- quite a story in itself, maybe another time if anyone cares to hear it) in 2006.
the last year or so found me getting drawn back into the new age stuff although the flavor is different. by that time the whole bs drama at the anomalies board had happened and hoagland took his board to subscription and that whole scene just went to crap so by 2006 i found that there wasn't a great forum or bbs (if you are old school) going (that i knew/know of) and so it was different stuff that i was reading. this is when i read all of davids stuff for the second time but again, this kind of taperd off as we got to spring 2007.
by then, it seemed goro's site was the only one i had loading daily and yet i had become really irritated with him and his bs way before that- i just felt i had to peek on it once in a while to at least stay in touch with the high wierdness part of life. i finally closed his page in my opera last fall.
this winter though i came back a third time to david's site and once again i started reading whatever appealed at the moment. in all honesty, and this is why we use fake names on the net i guess, i would go to his library and scan titles and click on 3 or 4 that appealed, then skim them real quick to get an even better glimpse and if it was what i was "into" or "feeling" that day, that moment, i printed it and then went downstairs to the "library" (potty break) for 30 minutes. as i seem to be quite regular, this also became regular. then in march we find out dad has pancreatic cancer and 9 months or so to live. wait....i jumped ahead by about a month.
around late january-beginning of february i was really "getting" davids articles a whole lot more- even though for much of it, this was the third reading. things were making more sense and connecting much more. some of that i figure is that since the last two readings, i've read so much more from so many more angles.
so during these 5-6 weeks (late january to 1week of march this year) i was feeling different. i could feel change (for lack of better wording) happening inside me. in many ways i felt like i was in another growth stage like what happened during my rough divorce or moms death/sickness yet things were relatively good and stable. (coincidentaly my sister who i seem to have a very strong/similar connection to/with was ending her marriage 1500 miles away).
there was a particular period of about 10 days in there where i literally was having some good epiphanies. one of which involved me and my ex.
at this time i started talking to my sister for hours at a time and she is like minded she was just good to bounce ideas off and to i guess basically hear my thoughts and tell me, no your not crazy etc.
so march 6th, we find out dad has 9 months. things once again turn down. my sister and i can talk "new agey" and get what and where we are coming from but my other sister and brother aren't so receptive. my close sister and i try to keep each other centered (very hard- especially the last 2 weeks for whatever reason) and help our other tow siblings and dad get through this.
my latest issue though is what got me to register and start this silly long post. and now that i think about it, what i'm about to describe/ask happened and since then, is when things have gotten decidedly harder. what i mean by that is lately i feel so far from center most days that it almost seems like a dream when i was centered and "growing" during february.
the issue is this: i had moved on the science of oneness and was reading it and for whatever reason i wanted to investigate one of david's sources that he was quoting in the book. this led me on a mini 3 or 4 day trip down skeptical lane and what i found, i found to be terribly disheartening.
i found that opposed to what david claims, cayce did indeed have much influence and knowledge about esoterica.
i found many issues with the maharashi effect/results.
there was an author (can't remember his name at the moment) david used several times who when i looked into him is very suspect.
the there's hoagland.
many more i suspect.
now, i know a pure skeptic (a lot of debunking there too) site is kinda like taking the pendulum the complete opposite direction and some salt should be applied but i was seriously shaken.
up to that time, and especially this year, i was really "feeling" what david is saying and then all of a sudden i'm seriously questioning him and the message.
discovering these things reminded me of the book stargate conspiracy, and so i dug that out of a box and started to re- read it. that reminded me of the wierd connections by so many in the new age field and hoagland is a big one.
is david knowingly or unknowingly participating with whomever it is that is coordinating whatever it is thery are doing?
who knows, but what i found more disturbing was the idea that davids whole message is bunk. why would this upset me so much? because i so desperately want it to be true? what does that say about me?
i'm not even considering that there's anything nefarious on david's part. the thing is this: frequently david forms proofs from "supporting" evidence but if that supporting evidence is fake, then so too is davids conclusion.
this disturbs me.
so, being disturbed, i come to the forum here and read and search for a few days.
my overall impression, even though i admit not a lot of time here, is that it's a fanboy forum. no disrespect intended.
i see a lot of believers and supporters and that really doesn't surprise me. it confuses me.
**note**this stuff refers to new age in general and davids material as well
you see, i find myself saying "is there really anything to this stuff or are we all a certain type of person that at this time and place and culture are looking for something (that in the past was provided in large part by religion)?"
iow, is this our new religion?
are we decieving ourselves?
argggg i have so much more rumbling in the head yet no time. i have to go. i'll post this and return to it tomorrow.
thanks for reading/listening and really, no offense intended to anyone.
i'm trying to clear my head yet now it's spinning more....till tomorrow.
jefferson