AmelieJolie
05-05-2008, 11:11 AM
there was once a little girl who grew up knowing that the people she loved the most hated each other. over the years, especially those early ones, she absorbed everything those people felt towards each other as though she were a sponge. inside her, her heart ached and felt torn. she couldn't understand why the person she loved with all her heart and soul, the gentlest and most loving mother she could wish for, was hated so much by the woman her father loved. she was a sensitive child, and the emotions of others were tangible to her, especially, and most tangibly of all, these feelings of animosity her stepmother had towards her mother, for no other reason than that her mother was once married to her father.
the little girl dreamed, day by day, that maybe one day, a miracle might happen. that all her parents might get along, or at least a day would come where any problems, any bad feelings would be released and set free.
she dreamed of the day when they would no longer have any ill feelings towards each other.
for the first part of her childhood, she also knew that some of the feelings of resentment her stepmother had towards her mother, went towards her also.
for this reason, she always felt anxious and vulnerable whenever she went to visit. not that anything really horrible happened. it was just the little, subtle things she felt so acutely. it was the small and subtle things that cut her deeply. but all she dreamed of was that everyone would stop hating each other some day.
as she was a girl who believed in miracles, she thought that maybe she could be the one who could make this happen. so she tried.
every once in a while, she hoped that if she found the right words, that the people she loved, could maybe, slowly just learn to melt their hearts towards one another. to learn to empathize with each other.
as much as she tried, as much as she genuinely wanted to help, all the efforts she made only seemed to make things worse.
this tore her apart, and broke the little girl's heart. she felt she could do no right. she wanted to touch things and heal them. but they only seemed to fall apart as she did so.
later on, the girl grew up and was able to see things clearer from each parent's perspective and felt compassion for each of them. she realized the vulnerable state of the human condition. she understood a sense of fragility that everybody hides.
now apart from this, the little girl's early childhood was a fairly happy one. real problems didn't start until just before the teenage years. perhaps she was just made too thin-skinned and sensitive than most, that she wasn't able to handle things as well as some would. for quite some time, she was too afraid to go out. she was too afraid to step out of the door on her own, in case a group of girls would see her and attack her again. perhaps it would be worse than the last time, maybe one of them would be carrying a knife. she had heard that some of them were into carrying knives.
she never understood what she had done to deserve this. she never understood why they hated her so much. she had never done a single thing against one of them, except speak out one time, a while ago, in saying that she felt strongly against this girl punching someone in the face and making them cry. after this, she too got attacked on the way home from school. she tried defending herself, but her nerves got the better of her, and after that she didn't want to go back. but in time, she even forgave the girl who had done it, and became friends with her.
she knew inside that the other girl had had a very difficult time growing up, had suffered bullying from an early age. so she let go of the past and forgave her, and went around with her for a while- for in a sense they had both shared the experience of feeling like outcasts, in different ways.
now, after this happened, there came a time when this girl turned against her, unexpectedly. she was led to a place where 2 other girls were, and they all started punching and kicking her. all the time, they stood there laughing as they watched her suffer in tears and humiliation. thankfully, two strangers came along and helped her get away.
the girl never understood why she could be hated so much, or what she had ever done to deserve it. she didn't even wish for revenge, although a few years on, she went through a phase of fantasizing about revenge, because she felt bitter, when she looked back and thought of how much damage it had done and how impassive these people were to her own suffering. but in time, these feelings too came to pass.
much later on, she mentioned what had happened in the past to someone, wondering why, and was it all just because she was an easy target. they suggested to her that it was perhaps because they were jealous of something. the girl didn't see how this could be, as they had nothing to be jealous of. she had a poor self image. but she turned different ideas over in her mind for some time.
although she felt they had nothing to be jealous of, as she had a poor self image and low self esteem, she realized that maybe these girls felt the same way about themselves.
so anyway.
what the girl learned from these experiences was something invaluable.
she learned that we can only begin to heal the world if we change our perceptions, and how we feel about others.
she realized that, no matter how wonderful another person's life may appear to someone else, each of us has our own burden to carry. she saw for example, that the world's most physically beautiful women, the rich and famous, are often not happy with the way they look. in many cases, they are more unhappy than anyone else.
she learned that people waste too much of their lives comparing themselves with others.
and people waste too much of their lives feeling jealous or resentful of others. life is so short.
why,
why do we do this to each other?
can we ever just learn to love?
will we ever get tired of what we do to each other?
perhaps love is boring to some.
i don't think so.
the little girl dreamed, day by day, that maybe one day, a miracle might happen. that all her parents might get along, or at least a day would come where any problems, any bad feelings would be released and set free.
she dreamed of the day when they would no longer have any ill feelings towards each other.
for the first part of her childhood, she also knew that some of the feelings of resentment her stepmother had towards her mother, went towards her also.
for this reason, she always felt anxious and vulnerable whenever she went to visit. not that anything really horrible happened. it was just the little, subtle things she felt so acutely. it was the small and subtle things that cut her deeply. but all she dreamed of was that everyone would stop hating each other some day.
as she was a girl who believed in miracles, she thought that maybe she could be the one who could make this happen. so she tried.
every once in a while, she hoped that if she found the right words, that the people she loved, could maybe, slowly just learn to melt their hearts towards one another. to learn to empathize with each other.
as much as she tried, as much as she genuinely wanted to help, all the efforts she made only seemed to make things worse.
this tore her apart, and broke the little girl's heart. she felt she could do no right. she wanted to touch things and heal them. but they only seemed to fall apart as she did so.
later on, the girl grew up and was able to see things clearer from each parent's perspective and felt compassion for each of them. she realized the vulnerable state of the human condition. she understood a sense of fragility that everybody hides.
now apart from this, the little girl's early childhood was a fairly happy one. real problems didn't start until just before the teenage years. perhaps she was just made too thin-skinned and sensitive than most, that she wasn't able to handle things as well as some would. for quite some time, she was too afraid to go out. she was too afraid to step out of the door on her own, in case a group of girls would see her and attack her again. perhaps it would be worse than the last time, maybe one of them would be carrying a knife. she had heard that some of them were into carrying knives.
she never understood what she had done to deserve this. she never understood why they hated her so much. she had never done a single thing against one of them, except speak out one time, a while ago, in saying that she felt strongly against this girl punching someone in the face and making them cry. after this, she too got attacked on the way home from school. she tried defending herself, but her nerves got the better of her, and after that she didn't want to go back. but in time, she even forgave the girl who had done it, and became friends with her.
she knew inside that the other girl had had a very difficult time growing up, had suffered bullying from an early age. so she let go of the past and forgave her, and went around with her for a while- for in a sense they had both shared the experience of feeling like outcasts, in different ways.
now, after this happened, there came a time when this girl turned against her, unexpectedly. she was led to a place where 2 other girls were, and they all started punching and kicking her. all the time, they stood there laughing as they watched her suffer in tears and humiliation. thankfully, two strangers came along and helped her get away.
the girl never understood why she could be hated so much, or what she had ever done to deserve it. she didn't even wish for revenge, although a few years on, she went through a phase of fantasizing about revenge, because she felt bitter, when she looked back and thought of how much damage it had done and how impassive these people were to her own suffering. but in time, these feelings too came to pass.
much later on, she mentioned what had happened in the past to someone, wondering why, and was it all just because she was an easy target. they suggested to her that it was perhaps because they were jealous of something. the girl didn't see how this could be, as they had nothing to be jealous of. she had a poor self image. but she turned different ideas over in her mind for some time.
although she felt they had nothing to be jealous of, as she had a poor self image and low self esteem, she realized that maybe these girls felt the same way about themselves.
so anyway.
what the girl learned from these experiences was something invaluable.
she learned that we can only begin to heal the world if we change our perceptions, and how we feel about others.
she realized that, no matter how wonderful another person's life may appear to someone else, each of us has our own burden to carry. she saw for example, that the world's most physically beautiful women, the rich and famous, are often not happy with the way they look. in many cases, they are more unhappy than anyone else.
she learned that people waste too much of their lives comparing themselves with others.
and people waste too much of their lives feeling jealous or resentful of others. life is so short.
why,
why do we do this to each other?
can we ever just learn to love?
will we ever get tired of what we do to each other?
perhaps love is boring to some.
i don't think so.